moving.....

Two things happened in my moving forward week.
First, I was forced to attend Horizonte', this week as part of one of my last classes. I went kicking and screaming and feeling sorry for myself.

(When I arrived, I swear i spotted "my babies daddy" times ten.)

This school is an aternative high school in Salt Lake district. The student population consists of babies having babies (I saw a 12 year old) (I thought about posting a flyer). Babies that have become mothers, who are tending their babies while thay continue on in high school. 7-11th gaders who "may have had, done, or knew about a lot of bad stuff. Finally, adults who are trying to improve their lives and find a way to survive in this complicated place called the USA. I had the opportunity to observe and tutor in an adult, level 2 (not very high) adult ELL class. There where people represented from at least 10 different countries.
I don't know why but it spoke to me. I could do this. I would like to do this. I find real value in doing this.
One man, was so humble, and appreciative as we practiced writing a capital A. I felt a new focus maybe coming on. I bonded.( I cried several times during my stay, not specifically about my babe, but about the situations of so many)I really might consider working at this school in a few years.

Thing two:
I freakin (I hate that word) but I freakin, worked on my final homework project for at least 10 hours today. I have written nothing since she left. It felt so good. I am going to do this thing. In one month I will graduate - with a Masters degree.

I can feel myself coming back. My little Annie calls me mother all day - never mom, or mommy, but a formal mother - i love it.
I need to shift my direction and direct my mind where it needs to go. I am feeling better.
I have asked for pictures of Mia. I need pictures - just to see her. I am pulling to find all the beauty and blessings that I know I already have.

It is all getting better.